This is for a number or reasons, one being my spare time went into revising for my theory test & guess what?
It was worth it because I passed! I passed first time! I am so proud of myself because it’s one step closer to my goal! Proves that if you want something so bad, you put your mind to it and knuckle down you can do it!
I’ve also been so tired… our lives are one big routine, get up, go to work, do our chores, daily tasks & it’s bedtime. The alarm comes round too quickly and then it’s back to it again! I have been finding this hard recently, I’m exhausted. The other day I actually slept for 17 hours!!!! How is that possible?! I literally hibernated, went under the covers and didn’t come back up! It’s okay to have times like that though, I just hope it doesn’t frequently happen!
Just watched a video about someone saying ‘Follow your dreams’. He is saying if you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t like where you live, move. If you haven’t seen something you would like to do, do it. If you want to change your whole life tomorrow, that is fine.
But isn’t there one thing stopping you from all those things? Money!
I can’t afford to change those things even if i wanted too! It is all well and good saying move here, do this, change this. But how??? He doesn’t actually say how or the set backs of these ideas! People are probably watching this video and it has got a few cliffhanger music tunes, he sounds very motivational, a few edit shots. People will do it and then the reality will hit and then they will be stuck!!
Maybe it is just me thinking that?
I have lots of ideas and plans i would love to do but i simply have one thing missing, money! Do i sound vain? Or practical?
I think i need a get rich quick idea? Or win the lottery? Have to actually start playing first!!
It is summer!!!!! We have been blessed with heat and sunshine! And for longer than a day or two!
I am definitely a summer girl! I feel so much better when the sun is shining, more happy, feel better, look better, have more energy.
Now is it summer, I have started going running again. If not a run, a walk. Getting outside and doing something. You’re in the sun, and fresh air! Why not?
It’s so relaxing & uplifting to be with nature! I think it’s important to go outside & move for at least 30 mins a day!
I’ve also started walking home from work, I’m not going to catch the bus- bonuses of this, I get exercise, I de-stress, save money, enjoy the weather!
My skin care routine is also different, I don’t wear a lot of make-up if at all! I have a glow to my skin now & how much is life better when you have a tanned? I make sure I use water and moisturise though, as being outside more and with this weather you sweat and dry out your skin!
Time goes so quickly. I was at the bus stop thinking & I overheard someone saying ‘I can’t believe it’s the sixth month’! Then I realised ‘oh my gosh it is June’! How does that happen?!
We go to work, finish and then go to bed. And repeat until it’s back to Monday again!
Before we know it it will be Christmas! And then 2019 here we come!
I think sometimes we need to stop getting in a the routine & start living! Make sure you experience life aswell as your day to day lives! You have something you want to do? Go on holiday! Learn that new skill! See that thing you’ve always wanted to! Spend time with people you love and who want to share life with you! Because before you know it, it’ll be Monday again.. and again!
Went for my 12th driving lesson today and, well i am writing this so i survived, i actually think i am getting better! Before i went i had a sudden urge to do really well and to set myself some goals and push myself to achieve them! This wasn’t just in driving. My manager at work asked if, in the future, i would like to go on a course to get an amazing qualification. It involves a lot of assignments and getting your head down. At first i was like ‘oh no, i couldn’t’ and then the more encouragement she gave me, i felt excited and that ‘you know what? I could do this’. I would have something to aim for and when i pass and get more knowledge in what i am studying. How great would i feel?
Then usually, when it is my driving lesson in the evening, all day i get incredibly anxious, and think of all the bad things that could happen. But today i thought of all the good things that could happen, and that one more lesson down is closer to the day when i am confident and good at driving!
Both my instructor and my manager gave me encouragement and told me stories that they have done within what they would like me to do, and that boosted me so much! Knowing that they have felt how i was feeling and didn’t want to do something or felt nervous. Now look at them, they are confident and great at what they do! Made me think ‘if i keep going and be determined to achieve, why can’t i succeed’?
This is a hard blog for me to write. Its actually hard for me to get it out on paper!
June is PTSD awareness month! What is PTSD? Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. What is that in basic terms? It is somebody who has experienced or witnessed a terrifying thing or numerous things. Frankly that no-one should ever have to go through or see. Who is effected? Could be anyone! Why is this hard for me to talk about? Because i have it. I don’t like to use the word diagnosed, it sounds like a horrific disease!
Now i used to think PTSD was just what our soldiers have, i don’t know why, i think its because watching the news thats all they said when they mentioned PTSD! When i was in my late teens, they said i have PTSD. I thought how on earth can i have that? I haven’t got the ‘right’ to have that. I haven’t been to war and fought for my country! Why am i going through this?
The reason why is because i had a traumatic, terrifying childhood, I went through and seen things that some people, who have lived their whole life wouldn’t even believe would happen. And all this going into my brain, onto my little shoulders, without letting any of it out. After a while my brain just simply couldn’t cope and it broke, re-set.
My symptoms of PTSD i have experienced in the past (some present) :-
Reliving moments over and over again, the flashbacks are so real, like i am back there again.
Certain triggers that make me feel scared
Sudden mood changes
Anger over little things
Relating to people, certain stories that take you back there
Getting worked up
Blocking it out, pretending my childhood was perfect, or great, or even good, you know what i’d settle with okay!
The biggest one for me is guilt, i blame myself for a lot of things, realistically i know i couldn’t of changed/stopped a lot of things, well i am slowly getting to believe this. But even little things that go wrong in my life now i over-react because of bigger issues. I blame my self for everything!
Right. Phew. I am going to end this blog here as thats enough opening up for a day!
I will however do another blog on how i am getting through and coping with PTSD as i want to make more people aware and let go of this stigma!
But don’t let this blog make you feel sad or a bit shocked! Just think we are all still standing and we are all strong!!!
I went to the hairdressers on the weekend, does anyone else find this a daunting experience? Now my usual hairdresser was fully booked when i had to go, so i had another lady. This is like cheating! I walked in and could feel my usual hairdresser’s eyes burning a hole in me! And then she came over and started making a small talk, now i couldn’t say ‘ oh i would of much preferred you’ because then the actual hairdresser doing my hair would just shave my hair off! You have to keep them sweet when they’re in charge of scissors and heat appliances!
I had to go on the hottest day of the year!! With all the hair dryers, straighteners, curlers etc. It was sweltering in there! My hair is super thick , so i am in there for hours to get anything done! I had a wash, cut and blow-dry and i asked for a certain hair ‘do’. The hairdresser was doing it and after she finished, she said is this okay? ‘NOOOOOO” this is not what the picture is!!! But of course i said ‘yes, its great, thank-you’! It is such a ‘British’ thing to do isn’t it? Just the same as queueing, saying ‘sorry’ all the time. Even when you have nothing to apologise for! Or holding a door open for about a year and not one person saying thank-you, so you mutter ‘no problem’ under your breath.
We never want to make a scene, we rarely say something to offend somebody. We hold it all in, and mutter under our breath. We are a polite nation! There is one thing that we all agree on that will cure any problem, a cup of tea! So anyhoo when i finished at the hairdressers instead of tweaking my hair slightly, i did pay for it so wanted to make the most of my money! I went home sucked up my hair-do and had a cuppa! After all it cures anything!
Yesterday I was led in bed listening to the rain on the window, feeling sorry for myself. Yesterday I was ill. Why do you always get ill when you’re happy in life and have plans?!
The rain however was very soothing, little pitter patter’s on the window. When you’re feeling poorly and in a down mood, you don’t want it to be sunshine and a heat wave! I would of felt even worse and felt like I should of been happy and well!
Weather has a huge impact on people’s lives, when the sun is shining, you want to go outside and enjoy it! When it’s raining and dark, you would rather be inside and watch a film.
Imagine if it was sunny everyday, how much would everybody’s mood improve? People naturally have a smile on their face!
Let’s try and be in the same mood as we are when the sun is shining 🌞